Wednesday, April 20, 2011

How do you tell someone you have an STD?

By Samantha Coffin
 
After viewing the video below I decided it was time for me to share my opinion on talking to sex partners about STDs.

http://www.itsyoursexlife.com/gyt/talk/tips/i-have-an-std/

In 2007 I was diagnosed with an STD. Herpes. I got genital herpes from a boyfriend I had been dating for six months but just started sleeping with. He was my first sexual partner after my rape in 2005. I was very confused when my doctor told me what I had and who I got it from. Convinced I got herpes from my rapist, I apologized up and down to my "then" partner and told him I couldn't believe that happened. Why did we have sex that one time without a condom? OMG?

It felt like my life was over and I was stuck with my partner for the rest of my life and we should just start picking baby names and talking about marriage. I was 18 years old.

In 2009 my partner decided to end our relationship. I wanted to go places and he didn't. I wanted to travel and he was comfy right where he was. So the relationship ended and I was left as a single 20 year old women with an STD that I would have FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!


I had a ton of first dates, first kisses and then the little fling thing ended over and over again. My friends thought I was playing all of these guys and no one understood. I couldn't expect them to understand. They didn't have an STD. If they had, they were gifted with a the temporary one that fled your body after a few naps, heavy medication and terrible regret. I couldn't bare to tell anyone I was thinking about sleeping with that I, me, this 20 year old college student who had only been with in one serious relationship, had an STD that would last forever.

After many tears and potential amazing boyfriends that I never even gave the chance to accept my "condition", I ran to one of my closest mentors. "Me too!" Was the first thing out our her mouth. She told me how she dealt with Herpes in day to day life. A year later I found myself still unable to tell anyone and being abstinent for almost two years IS NOT FUN. I asked another mentor about my situation hoping she would be shocked and tell me "I'm so sorry" like they always do. She said "ME TOO!" WHAT?? The second women I asked had herpes too? Damn. I am not alone.

So then the first time I was going to tell someone was only a few hours away and I started throwing up. This is such a hard thing to do.  I just said it. " I have Herpes". "Oh" pause " How did you get it?".No negative reaction at all. Just a group of questions and an ok. That was that and how it has been with the few I have told since. Now I am "out" and say proudly that I was an ignorant teenager that now can educate friends about herpes and about how easy it is to get. The partner that gave me herpes got it from his ex when she had a cold sore. It is that easy.

My advise is, just say it! Tell them. If they are worth your time they may ask some questions and you both my need to sign onto google and look it up. The worst is, you don't have sex with that person! The world is not over! I promise! 

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